MY SWORD OF EXPRESSION

By Tsering Tenzing Ghale @ Story Of My Tattoo

Who is great-grandmother?

As a child I was bit shy. I did not have much friend. My greatest and best friend was my great-grandmother (name). She was the best person I have ever known. Every day I came home early because my best friend was waiting. She always had surprises. There was not a single day, she had not surprised me. Every day it was different and extra.

She was like a baby. She was strong and very powerful mentally and physically. Most of her friends were in the living room under supervision or had left the earth. She was different. Most of the time, we played in the garden. We played games like tiger-and-goats (Bhakchal-local Nepali game), addition and subtraction, board games while other times she created her own games. She was creative too.

But time made us apart. She left me in 5^th grade forever. I was still a child but my affection for her was like an adult. I think I was the saddest person and most affected one. Every day, I missed her. Sometimes I felt lonely and lost. But my mom and dad made sure that I was loved and well taken care since the very beginning. After great-grandmother’s demise, I became more close to mom and dad. I even made some good friends with whom I played after school mostly. She was always in my heart and my skin. Though physically she was absent I always felt her presence mentally. Even today, I feel her and know she is watching me from above.

I wanted my best friend’s portrait in my skin a long time ago. However, it took me quite much time to think because I did not have any pictures and I could not sketch her image. But one day I got her picture. It was very old and worn out. I cleaned it carefully. I made multiple scans and pictures of it. And today, my best friend lies in my skin. She guides me every single day and watches me. Spiritually and mentally she is everywhere as my guardian.

But this is not my first tattoo. It is the latest, affectionate and the most important tattoo of my life inked by artist Biju Magar (Founder of Tattoo Biz). I will disclose my entire tattoos one after the other in relation to the moments of my life. But firstly;

I am David, not Beckham:

 “Mom, Dad what does David mean? Why do I have this name?”

I never got my answer. But I think somewhere it is related to my Dad’s interest and love for football or music. My great-grandmother never called me David instead she called me “Devi”. She could not pronounce the word. So it was easy for her to call me “Devi”. Now, the word is very traditional and has two meaning. Firstly it means “Lord” and secondly a name derived from holy books (General meaning is Devine). I do not know exactly. But I like the name.

As a child I watched my dad beat the drum with his band members during the free time. This made mom mad. I agree with her. Every day, she would saw slippers on the stairs. Such a scene made me feel insecure too. So before mom pushed the door open, I hid the slippers most of the time. This made a little easier for mom and their single audience (me). But I enjoyed the musicians play their tunes. I think they played rock music, I am not sure.

Okay, I think “David” is quite famous name. My dad never told me the exact reason but I am pretty sure that he named me after a football star. This I am quite sure. But it is okay. I like my name. It is different and unique…..Also easy for my friends to call me out (laughing).

Obstacles Resemble:

I didn’t know much about tattoos. I was a young boy with crazy ideas and thoughts. I met artist Suman Lama (Stupa tattoo ink) through aquarium fish. We both love fishes. It is a funny thing because most of the time you know the artist through their work. But we met completely out of the box. I visited his studio quite frequently. And each visit gave me a different sensations and feelings. The more I visited the more I got involved into tattoos.

“Brother, I want to get a tattoo. I do not know what I want but I want to get one. Can you ink me?” I asked one morning to one of the artist of the same studio (Zamyang lama). For a moment he didn’t speak a word. And when he did he refused.

He said, “David, you are too young right now. You must wait some more years. When the time comes I will ink you for sure. But you must wait, yes?”

This made me nervous, excited and restless. If I had the power, I did grow up that very moment. I was that excited. I waited and waited patiently and impatiently. And when the wait was over it was winter, not a good season. But the season was not a concern. I decided to get inked anywhere. And I did.

The design took quite long. As it was my first tattoo I didn’t know what I wanted. I thought and thought but I didn’t have a clue. Then one day, I saw the picture of Lord Ganesh and Shiva. Somewhere the picture was related to me. It spoke about the incidents in my life. The moment I saw it I felt the energy. I related the picture to my life and it fitted perfectly. It matched exactly.

I was weak in my studies.  I could not do anything about it. I always was. But somehow, I passed my high school. I thought it would be the same in the intermediate level. I was wrong. It took me more than 3 years to complete the degree. I had back papers back-to-back. I thought I would clear it this time but it never happened. I was sad in one way and depressed in another way….I am very weak in accountancy. It could be because I do not like calculations. It took me an extra one year and six months to clear the test. During this time, a lot happened. I lost things that were valuable to me, person I loved very much and the one who loved me more than herself.

In this way, Lord Ganesh resembles my obstacles. Oh yes, this is the interesting part. We had the design and we were ready but which part of the body should it be inked? I chose the most sensitive part (ribs section). Later we changed it. It was inked on the left shoulder. It took three sessions.

Every day, I went in-front-of the mirror and looked at my tattoo. It was magnificent but it was on my back that was very difficult for my eyes. And my back looked very empty. It was like a fish in the ocean all by itself. This way Lord Bhairav was inked on the right shoulder. It is yet to be completed. It has an angry and aggressive look that I find it very fascinating.

I can study art in the intermediate level?

I chose management stream because I thought it was easy to pass. No, I was wrong. It is not an easy stream. It is very tough especially accountancy. It could also be because of my negative thoughts. I never paid attention to my account lecturer. I neglected the subject because I was not interested. Maybe if I had paid attention in the class, at-least I would have passed. I think if one neglect and have negative thoughts towards the lecturer one will not make it. This I have learnt through my account subject.

My girlfriend passed with good grades as always. She passed the embassy procedures and reached America. I was stuck with my account test. Each time I thought I would clear it but I could not. I took extra tuitions that costs lot of money but it did not help. This was one big drawback in our relationship. My girlfriend was very supportive and always encouraged me. But I did not make it through.

Very recently, I came to know about an art school, Shirijana College of Arts. I visited the college, gave the tests and got selected. I took the news home. My parents were happy. I was even happier. In time, I made friends in the art school. Then one morning after school, we had a small gathering. In the gathering I met a senior who had joined the art school right after high school. I did not know this. If I had known it I would not have wasted four years of my life.

What happened to our relationship?

She said, “Baby, I am sure you can do it. Work a little more on it. You will surely pass the test. Roam around less and study more babe. I want you to come here. We and start our life here. I know you can do it……”

I tried and tried. But I could not make it. It was just too much for me. And in time, she lost hopes in me, in our relationship. Slowly and slowly, she ignored me. Misunderstanding took place. We fought more. It had never happened before. Everything happened suddenly. The storm just brought hailstorms all at once.

20^th January was the day we met. This date was always special and we always did something special. I rang her. She picked up after several rings. I was shocked by her reactions.

She said, “Why do not you understand? We do not have bright future together. You cannot come here and I cannot come there. I think it was just the wrong time we met. I do not feel about you like I used to. It is just a big pain to both of us. I don’t want either of us stuck in false hopes. It is better we end everything here and consider that nothing had happened…….”

This hit me really bad. It was like a tiny needle that made a big hole in my heart. I called and messaged her less. She said the same thing every time. Most of the time, my messages were ignored. The ratios were like 100:1.

I made a big mistake on her birthday. I rang her. She picked up. “Why don’t you understand? Why cannot you? We do not have a future together?.....”, she said. She was really angry and upset.

“I am sorry. Okay, do what you feel is the right thing.” I told her.

I regretted that I had said that. I should not have said it. She blocked me everywhere; social medias. It was on her birthday. I regret it. It was 18^th of September.

This was the story I had shared with the artist before I got her portrait inked. We were all set and ready until Suman brother arrived. Big brother asked me, “What will you say to the person you meet next? Have you given any thoughts about the future outcome for this decision? What if this decision holds you from moving ahead? What if she hates you even more if she sees this tattoo?”

Brother’s question made me think deep. I gave deep thoughts to it. It took several days. I did not know what do but I wanted something that represented the memory. So we came up with a new idea.

I wanted to see her smile the most but the mask has covered her smile. She has the best smiles. But now I cannot see it. But her eyes I can because the mask has the eyes of her. The mask represents the Mexican girls who got influenced by the western culture of decoration (use of cosmetics and other beauty items)…….

Son, Does Barista washes dishes? (A Mother Asks A Son)

To study art was my own choice. If I had known it earlier, I would have done it right after high school. My parents supported me with this decision. I went to class regularly every day. Now I was more matured and responsible. I have decided that I will give my full dedication and work honestly to it. Along with drawings, I wanted to be tattoo artist. My friends are really good with drawings. They sketch really beautiful. Their degree of professionalism is very high. I am learning something new every day both in class and from my friends.

I needed a tattoo machine to learn the art. I could not share this with my parents. I do not know why? I just could not. So I decided to buy it myself. My friend (Saurav Malla) introduced me to a coffee shop (Freshen Beans). I told the manager exactly why I wanted the job. They trained me for 15 days with no payments.

It was winter season. I reached the café early every morning. It was cold but I wanted the money bad, really bad. There were always piles of dishes. I washed the dishes with icy cold water and mobbed the floor before others came in.  I have never done this before in my life. I do not regret it and feel any shame after all its work and I respect it. The routine was the same every day. The grace period needed. They like me and I was selected for the job. I felt really happy and performed my duty honestly.

I got my first payment. It was RS.4700. I was amazed and felt truly happy. I didn’t know what to do with the money. I wanted to give a small party to my friends and something for myself. I was confused. In this way, I spent RS.700 and saved the rest. The following month I got double until one morning. In time I became the victim to loss of appetite and gastric. My health deteriorated dramatically.

I had bruises all over my palms. I had hit from mom for quite long. But one morning, I don’t know how she saw it. She asked, “What happened to your palms? How did you get such bruises?” she was not happy. She was angry, shocked and hurt.

I didn’t know what to say. I tried to lie but failed to do so. I was silent and felt little ashamed to say the truth. So I simply said, “Mom, it is nothing. It’s very small. It will be alright after few days……” It was not small at all. It was bad, real bad boy.

“What do you mean by that? Tell me what is going on here? Have you been washing dishes?”

“I am sorry, Mom. I should have told you before…..”

“Why are you doing this, son? You have not washed a single plate at home so why all these? You must have a reason why you are doing this. Tell me, what is it?”

“Mom, I want to learn the art of tattooing. I want to be a tattoo artist. I could not say all these to you. I don’t know. I am sorry about it. I needed a machine in order to learn the art. The machine is expensive and I thought I would buy it myself. I am sorry, mom…..”

The room was filled with emotions. I had tears in my eyes and heart. I had no option but to tell the truth to mom. But mom’s reaction brought the light. It brightened the whole room. Mom said, “Son, I want you to stop the job right now. We will pay for the machine. How much have you saved? We will pay the remaining amount…”

These words from mom lighten my heart. I could not stop myself from flying into mom’s arms in tears. It was one of the biggest moments of my life. This day I will never forget. I went to the café and told them what happened. After 15 days, I left the job. I was never happier than that day. Tears of happiness filled my eyes and heart.

This way, I got my tattoo machine within two months.

My sword of expression:

By now you know little about me. I have found and lost many things till date. Some came early while others late. Tattoo Biz has given me one big opportunity and I embrace it every day. I have gone through lot of obstacles to reach here and there is no turning back. I have chosen this field and I must give my best to it. I challenge myself every day to bring the real passion out.

Maybe I may not meet my expectation but one thing is certain that I will be happy for sure. And if something goes wrong, I will check what had gone wrong step after step to bring the better result out. I hope you will get something from this small story of mine. Thank you! You have come this far.

Tattoo is not just a profession for me; it’s my sword of expression.