HENRY´S LAST WORDS

  By Tsering Tenzing Ghale @ Story Of My Tattoo

Psycho, somatic addict, insane.
Come play my game.

Inhale, inhale, you're the victim.

Come play my game.

Exhale, exhale, exhale.

Lyrics: Prodigy - Breathe

¨I was eight who could do nothing. Everyday my father and brother fought for a reason that I did not know of. Who was right, I had no idea? It was more like a war between two insecure men trying to prove one´s strength . It was equal...Like two egos battling....Like two bulls going head to head. All I could do was listen with mouth shut. There was no peace in the house. Like the lyrics say, all I could do was inhale and exhale everything with mouth shut. I was the victim of their ego-war. The neighbors all went insane because of the noise in my house. Sometimes, their ego-war went really physical. It was a bloody mess. The whole situation bothered the neighbors who contacted the police. I watched the mixture faces of the neighbors and the police officers who investigated what was going on in the house and so on….¨, shared Louis, youngest of the seven children.

Currently, Louis is the director for a documentary being shot in Nepal. He has worked in the Hollywood for years. He was in the visual effects team of the movie ¨Paul¨. We all know the movie. We have watched, criticized and enjoyed it, have not we?? After Paul he worked in various other projects that hit the Hollywood notches.

His elder brother who started in the film industry as a tea-boy at 15 had introduced Louis into Hollywood. After the company hit big, Louis's brother became the supervisor of the company. This had made easier for Louis to get into Hollywood. Louis worked more than 17 hours a day for free for six months. All he did was ¨YES¨ to everything and got the work done in time.

¨Can you tell me more about your time in Hollywood?¨

¨I admire and respect the industry as well as everyone who invest their valuable time to bring best projects for our entertainment. However, It is crazy in Hollywood on the other side of the curtain. You work day and night to make someone rich and entertain millions. That´s it. The hierarchy is like the Royal family. We have to respect each and every one. We have to know the system, respect it, stick to it, and follow like the dog who follows their master without a question. When you are given a work, you got to say ¨YES¨ and get it done. If you have a problem you have to communicate or you are F*****. You got to like people, get along with them, and be the listener. That´s it.¨

Can I use the colors I choose?

Do I have some say what you use?

Can I get some greens and some blues?

Lyrics: Gregory Porter - Painted On Canvas

While I listened to him my other half was into the above lyrics. I had questions with no answers. Like I was told, ¨Do what you are told or get out¨ in the school. My school days was like the Hollywood. All I could do was listen and get my assignments done or I am out of the class. Sometime I got thrown out of the class while other time I ended up Murga Punishment (stress punishment practiced in South East Asia). Moreover, sometimes kicked and smacked on my hands and thighs. What could I do; complain to my parents? I could not I was in the boarding school. And trust me, nobody believed me and those who did said it's for my future.

Did you say 'no, this can't happen to me,'

And did you rush to the phone to call

Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind

Saying maybe you didn't know him at all

You didn't know him at all, oh, you didn't know

Lyrics: Last Goodbye - Jeff Buckley

¨Everyone in Hollywood think they know nothing while they are highly intelligent and creative. They get stuck because of the system that one follows without a question. I got huge projects because of my capability, networking and skills in time. I also got the offer to work in Da Vinci because of my past performances but I chose to come to Nepal. You are watched by every single individual every day. You are never alone. You may think you are alone but there is always someone watching you. You make a mistake you are out and you make things happen you get better offers, that´s how it is in Hollywood. And, the promotion system is very slow; slow as the tortoise.¨

¨So have you left Hollywood?¨

¨I have not left Hollywood. I did rather consider it as a break from Hollywood. I have huge respect for Hollywood Industry and every single individuals who are highly talented and who work from fingers to bones to entertain the whole world. Every people I have worked with I had a great time with them. I love them, their work and their support in getting works done in time. I just felt I was bit lost. And I wanted to do something that of my own. This is another reason why I am involved in this documentary physically and emotionally.¨

The visual effects plays a big part in any film. It makes everything look real and glorify the viewers. Even if the film is bad, viewers will love the film if the visual effect is good. Dynamic Louis did not stay long in the Hollywood because of the slow promotion and structure. ¨I was too small in Hollywood. I wanted to do something of my own. Something that may not be as big as the films I worked on but something can bring a change, something that I can be happy when I look back, something that touch an unknown person´s heart who is thousands of miles away from where I am. That is why I have come to Nepal to shoot the documentary with much passion, hope and expectation.¨

It has been a month that he has invested emotionally in the project. First it was only a promotion but now the project has become really big. The projected is related to children. Every day, he is in the hospital to shoot; happy moments, sad moments, tears, someone crying, nurses (Real Angels) running here and there, people screaming, mothers in pain, young mother struggling to give birth, doctors pulling the babies out, husband motivating his wife holding her hand as if everything will be alright, families waiting outside the wart, a young child moved from wart to wart, and so on.

¨What was your relation with Henry like?¨

¨We were like twins; brains connected. We were both raised up by nanny because mom was busy in the acting field. But she left her job right away after I told her about the dream where my like-twin brother had killed himself (I was eight at the time). We could read each other mentally and emotionally. I could say things before he did. However, things turned different when he was diagnosed with bipolar (manic depression, is a mental illness that brings severe high and low moods and changes in sleep, energy, thinking, and behavior). He could not accept he was weak. He consumed about 2 liters of vodka daily. He was into different kinds of medication for 15 years. However, he got sober after the rehab. We were all happy with it and scared at the same time because he turned hyperactive and did things quickly and fast, real fast.¨

Henry was the intelligent and smart one in the family. He got scholarship in the best private school in the city. He wrote awesome songs. But this scared everyone. He had just turned sober. And when one do things quick one go down quick, that's how it is. This is what happened with Henry. The family member had advised him to go slow, but he did not. And soon Henry did not talk to anyone. And in time he got back into medication again. He spent every single day in his room; mostly by himself. And nobody had a clue, not a single person.

¨One morning, dad rang me while I was in my girlfriend's house. He said, ¨Henry has taken his own life.¨ He was in a deep pain. I could hear the crack on his voice and deep feelings in him. He broke down and he was broken. I ran to Henry's apartment. Everyone was there; mom, dad, brothers and his friends. My elder brother was on his knees next to Henry. He was in a rage and pushed away anyone who tried to touch him. Mom asked me if I wanted to see Henry, I could not. I turned into a statue. I just sat there. I could not see the body and look into Henry´s eye. He was the closet and the other half of me….There were needles everywhere. He had researched all the drugs that could kill him for sure. It had taken him quite long to research. He had mixed the most powerful drugs and injected on him. His death was for sure and he knew it.¨

¨Do you think your Dad did his best to help Henry?¨

¨As a child I have no idea why they did could not get along. But one thing I am sure my Dad knew what he was doing. My dad knew what Henry was into and up-to. Every parents always want their children in the best position one can have. Every parents always think the good of their children and the best for them. My dad is the same person. He thinks the best for each one of us. When we make mistake, he tries his best to correct us. Things go off when children fire back to their parents. This is what happen between Daddy and Henry. Dad wanted the best for Henry and he could not understand Dad and they never got along together. Dad tried his full effort to help Henry from the very beginning. He always stood by Henry even at the difficult times. Dad always had high hope on Henry not only because he was the smart and intelligent among us but because he loved him just like he love every one of us. Even when Henry was sick, Dad did not leave him. He always stood by him. Both at good and bad times, Dad was always there for Henry. But Henry would not listen and take a man´s advise. I do not know, why??? Maybe Dad was hard sometime, but that´s what parents are for. They cannot sit calm when their children are out of the track in life. They got to be strong and tough and that´s what Daddy did. My Dad tried his best and did his best to help Henry to make him a better person.¨

¨You have a tattoo, don´t you?¨

¨Yes, I do. It reads ¨HENRY MARSH¨ (He took off his shirt to show it to me). It was the last thing Henry had left behind. It is inked exactly it was written. Every time, I miss Henry I look at the mirror. And, the moment I see his name I feel that Henry is with me everywhere. Having the last words inked on me reminds me of all the best days we had spent together as brother and as best buddies.¨

Soon Louis will get the tattoo that Henry had always wanted. It is Tabasco (chili sauce) bottle with a cross in it. The cross states that Henry will not do the past things he did specifically the medication part. In short it carries the message ¨NOT TO DO IT AGAIN¨. Louis has modified the design. He has added the skull on the design that resemble Henry´s death. And so the chilly plant that defines one's life. It is a surprise that a tiny bottle has huge fires in it, isn´t it???? And Louis plans to dedicate his full sleeve and chest with portraits of all the young people who left this world at a young age. The portrait I mean all those he knew, had seen, played with and grew up with because they all deserved to live.

In the end Louis asked me why I wanted to write his story, have I been in tragedy or know the emotions involved in losing someone?????? I shared the nightmares I had faced when I lost my mom right before my high school final test and months I had struggled to get on my feet after my girlfriend left me with whom I had spent 3 years of my life. When I shared my side of the story he really appreciated and gave me the chance to write the story ¨HENRY´S LAST WORDS¨. I hope that it will touch your heart and feel it. Even if you feel a little, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have been broken, torn apart and I have woken (Tse-ring).

And lastly, he said to me;

It is okay to be different.

You are special and You should know it.

The world is messed up;

You got live to the fullest.

Do not compete with anyone for you do not have to outdo anyone.

And so we laughed about funny jokes and the funny world we are in. The song ¨Breathe by Prodigy¨ and ¨Painted on Canvas by Gregory Porter¨ was sung aloud on the roof of Irish Bar. We sung and sung repeatedly and laughed and laughed in brotherhood.

((Breathe with me!

Breathe the pressure, Come play my game I'll test ya.

Psychosomatic addict, insane.

Breathe the pressure, Come play my game I'll test ya.

Psycho, somatic addict, insane.

Come play my game.

Inhale, inhale, you're the victim.

Come play my game.

Exhale, exhale, exhale……………….))

((We are like children

Were painted on canvases

Picking up shades as we go

We start off with gesso

brushed on by people we know

Watch your technique as you go

Step back and admire my view……))