English Magpie

One for sorrow; Two for Joy

Three for a Girl; Four for a Boy

Five for Silver; Six for Gold and;

Seven for a secret never to be told

This is the poem that every English person remembers well. It is a very popular superstition in the UK. I thought of starting this story with my lame Nepali timing. Here in Nepal, time is not given much importance like in the west. If we say, 10:30 a.m. sharp, it basically means after 10:30 a.m. It could be 45 or 11 a.m. That is how it works in here. I was late as usual. But I was lucky as Joey forgot about our schedule. He only knew when I rang him at 45 (smiling at myself).

Today is our second meeting. Previously, we had met about 2 weeks ago. I was with a friend talking about tattoos. He turned out to be my friend´s friend. But later, I came to know that I turned out to be his friend´s friend (Laughing again at myself). We shook our hands and exchange our greetings (Good morning). The first word he spoke was, ¨I am sorry. I totally forgot about it. Do excuse me.¨

I must be totally honest, I was surprised. At the same time my perception towards him completely changed. He is a gentleman, I must say. Normally, in Nepal people hardly apologize if they were late or so. And so the word ¨Thank You¨. The word ¨Thank You¨ and ¨I am Sorry¨ are used at the extreme cases only, in Nepal by Nepalese (giggling at myself). The pride ¨I have a friend who bought a coffee to me at the 7th floor from a coffee shop 15 minutes distance and apologized to me when it was suppose to be the other way round¨ will always be remembered and talked. This moment will last forever with me.

¨When I was 19 my life suddenly changed for the worst. I was a confident and happy person, very successful social, educationally and in almost everything I dedicated my time to. But then all at once it seemed like everything went wrong. I started to feel physical pain at different points in my body. I was diagnosed with very rare autoimmune condition. I was 1 in 1000 people. I was the youngest person that the specialist doctor had seen with this condition. 99% of the 1/1000 is older than 60 years of age.¨, shared Joey. It was a hard task for a young man to accept…that he would have an incurable disease that caused him physical pain.

My heart beat increased and my legs were shaking. My voice weakened. And, the worst part was, ¨The news shocked me. I went blank and blind right there. I didn’t expect this to happen to me…life had been going so well previously. It hit me so hard that I developed severe depression. I had an unstable family life too at the time. And not too many people surrounding me I could trust. I was alone in that dark world. I could not speak about it to anyone, not even family. Because of the depression, I felt suicidal thoughts daily. It lasted for 3–4 years.,¨ he added.

I interrupted him for I could not handle it. I drank half liter of water I bought before I met Joey. My voice was even weaker now. And, this time my hands trembled, too. The key words I scratched on my notebook came out exactly like a child´s first letter ¨A¨. He continued ¨But in my weakness I eventually found strength. And after processing the pain I am now back to a confident and social person like I was before 19. At the time, a single magpie followed me when I left my house in Southampton UK, almost everyday. It became a symbol of struggle I cannot talk about. I got this tattoo to symbolize rising out of sorrow (showing me the magpie).¨, says Joey. And, he took the last swipe of his coffee.

He stated that I was the first Nepali to hear the pain. And, probably the fifth person in his life. He does not talk much, but when he does the only thing you want to do is just listen and listen. I had to break-in because it was too painful to handle. It was so painful that I started to compare my depression days with it. I felt the first stage of depression when I lost my mom. She was taken away two months before I completed my high school. It was the darkest part of my life. Yet, my suffering was nothing compared to his.

I call Joey a ¨Hercules¨ who defeated ¨autoimmune disease¨ and ready to fight any difficulties in future. He says, ¨I am very thankful to the disease. It made me stronger and a more empathetic person. Today I am stronger and stranger, like we say in England. And, I can understand the old immature me, addicted person and person with pain. I know the disease will grow stronger when I am older but I will be even stronger because I survived the worst. I faced the darkest side of my life at a young age. My will power is very strong now.¨

When I asked him if he will add another magpie he replied, ¨My goal is to create a life filled with people and places that bring me joy. I have one magpie to represent sorrow and one day, when I achieve fulfillment with a good family, maybe children I will get the second magpie to represent the Joy. I will work hard to obtain it.¨

¨Do not run away from your pain, embrace it. Wear your scars with pride. Any amount of progress is a progress. Keep your brother real close at hard times. ¨ is his message to others in general.

¨Hope or cope to manage the suffering is my philosophy.¨ , he concluded. And then we headed to the tea shop close by in brotherhood. ‘Everybody has to deal with there own problem so never pity yourself or think that your pain is worse than others. After we finished our tea we bid farewell with a promise to see again for a Dhal-Bhat (Traditional Nepali lunch).

Findings:

Magpie is a superstitious bird. It is considered as the most intelligent bird and the only non-mammals species that can recognize itself in the mirror test.

The suicide rate in UK is 4 out of 5 people according to recent research. And, the rate of depression is higher in men than women. While the rate of depression is higher in women than men in Nepal.